Why “Jurassic World” Is Going To Suck

WORLD Warotter

 

Jurassic World is opening soon, and people are really excited.

Jurassic World is opening soon, and people are really excited.

Universal

 

But people seem to be missing a VERY important part of the trailer.

But people seem to be missing a VERY important part of the trailer.

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

So let’s take a closer look.

So let's take a closer look.

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

1. Ahh, what an interesting scene of a family saying goodbye at the airport, but, hmmm. None of these people seem to be…

Ahh, what an interesting scene of a family saying goodbye at the airport, but, hmmm. None of these people seem to be...

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

2. …Dr. Ian Malcolm, Badass Chaotician.

...Dr. Ian Malcolm, Badass Chaotician.

Univercal

 

3. Look at the boat people, they must be having a good time on their boats. But you know what would make their time better?

Look at the boat people, they must be having a good time on their boats. But you know what would make their time better?

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

4. Dr. Ian Malcolm and his stylish transition lenses.

Dr. Ian Malcolm and his stylish transition lenses.

Universal

 

5. Oh, look! A fun* dinosaur park!

Oh, look! A fun* dinosaur park!

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

6. *really just mediocre dinosaur park, unless Dr. Ian Malcolm is there, drenched and wearing some sort of funky amulet.

*really just mediocre dinosaur park, unless Dr. Ian Malcolm is there, drenched and wearing some sort of funky amulet.

Universal

 

7. So many people! Look at all these people!

So many people! Look at all these people!

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

8. But none of these people are Dr. Ian Malcolm, gently but authoritatively telling you that “life, uh, finds a way.”

But none of these people are Dr. Ian Malcolm, gently but authoritatively telling you that "life, uh, finds a way."

Universal

 

9. Look at these dinosaurs running next to a little garbage truck full of people!

Look at these dinosaurs running next to a little garbage truck full of people!

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

10. JK let’s not look at that, let’s look at Dr. Ian Malcolm striking a seductive pose as he gazes at a giant pile of shit.

JK let's not look at that, let's look at Dr. Ian Malcolm striking a seductive pose as he gazes at a giant pile of shit.

Universal

 

11. Ahh, such a comforting scene, such a lovely view of nature. But you know what’s lovelier?

Ahh, such a comforting scene, such a lovely view of nature. But you know what's lovelier?

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

12. Dr. Ian Malcolm LOOKING INTO YOUR EYES AND DROPPING WATER ON YOUR HANDS LIKE A SUBSERVIENT GREEK GOD.

Dr. Ian Malcolm LOOKING INTO YOUR EYES AND DROPPING WATER ON YOUR HANDS LIKE A SUBSERVIENT GREEK GOD.

Universal

 

13. Lookit, there’s a gyrosphere.

Lookit, there's a gyrosphere.

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

14. Screw that gyrosphere, Dr. Ian Malcolm is laying in a pile of leaves, vulnerable and injured!!!

Screw that gyrosphere, Dr. Ian Malcolm is laying in a pile of leaves, vulnerable and injured!!!

Universal

 

15. How fascinating! A dead shark!

How fascinating! A dead shark!

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

16. NOPE, what’s truly fascinating is Dr. Ian Malcolm’s quiet, maniacal laugh.

NOPE, what's truly fascinating is Dr. Ian Malcolm's quiet, maniacal laugh.

Universal

 

17. OMG, look at Chris Pratt getting chased by a dinosaur!

OMG, look at Chris Pratt getting chased by a dinosaur!

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

18. It was SO MUCH BETTER when DR. IAN MALCOLM got chased by a dinosaur!

It was SO MUCH BETTER when DR. IAN MALCOLM got chased by a dinosaur!

Universal

 

19. Oooo wait, maybe that’s Dr. Ian Malcolm???

Oooo wait, maybe that's Dr. Ian Malcolm???

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

20. Fuck, nevermind.

Fuck, nevermind.

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

21. Wow, Chris Pratt sure is hot.

Wow, Chris Pratt sure is hot.

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

22. But DR. IAN MALCOLM SURE IS HOTTER.

But DR. IAN MALCOLM SURE IS HOTTER.

Universal

 

23. Oh no, a broken hat, danger must be afoot, right?

Oh no, a broken hat, danger must be afoot, right?

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

24. ALL’S WELL, DR. IAN MALCOLM’S SHINY TORSO IS HERE.

ALL'S WELL, DR. IAN MALCOLM'S SHINY TORSO IS HERE.

Universal

 

25. Oh no, a broken pod thingy.

Oh no, a broken pod thingy.

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

26. WHATEVERRRRRR.

WHATEVERRRRRR.

Universal

 

27. A big tooth!

A big tooth!

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

28. WHATEVERWHATEVERWHATEVERWHATEVER.

WHATEVERWHATEVERWHATEVERWHATEVER.

Universal

 

29. Motorcycle?

Motorcycle?

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

30. 

Universal

 

31. Jurassic World???

Jurassic World???

Universal / Via youtube.com

 

32. More like Jurassic Where Is Dr. Ian Malcolm?

33 Reasons "Jurassic World" Is Going To Be The Worst
Keely Flaherty / BuzzFeed / Universal

 

33. You brought us scientists BUT WHERE IS OUR ROCK STAR???

33 Reasons "Jurassic World" Is Going To Be The Worst
Blingee

 

NOTE: Even if Jeff Goldblum does make that rumored cameo, it won’t be enough. It will never be enough.

Source : buzzfeed.com

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