OK, let’s be real now: Basically everyone knows that this red cup “controversy” is really, really stupid.
But that doesn’t let Starbucks off the hook. The real question is: How can they possibly destroy the Christmas spirit when they can’t even spell it?
1. Long before they tried to murder Santa, Starbucks was busy murdering Marc’s name.
2. Poor Erin never even stood a chance.
3. Ann-Louise may never recover from her grande eggnog latte.
4. How can Tiffany even face her family after this humiliating trip to Starbucks?
5. What is Chad supposed to say to his friends?
6. How is Barbara supposed to take herself seriously after this?
7. What monster would make someone take a cup like this to their place of employment in the morning?
8. What kind of fiend could do this to dear, helpless Melissa?
9. This character assassination of poor Heather is unconscionable.
10. All Simon wanted was a skinny chai latte…
11. Denise’s only crime was ordering a decaf soy frapp.
12. Jim made the mistake of thinking his name couldn’t possibly be misspelled.
13. Wendy will probably never be the same again after this red eye.
15. I don’t want to live on a world where Rachel is Richerd.
But in the spirit of Christmas, maybe we can cut the baristas a bit of a break. At least they’re honest.