2) I thought that was going to be 100% silent.
3) But now I’m not so sure.
4) And I’ll never know.
5) I’ll never know whether all these people just heard me fart.
6) Is it a smelly one?
7) What if it’s a really smelly one and they all know it was me because it was loud?
8) Maybe they’ll think it was that guy right next to me.
9) He looks like the kind of guy who would do a loud fart in a public place.
10) Not like me, I look like I could never do such a thing.
11) It doesn’t seem to be a really smelly one.
12) Mind you it’s difficult to tell here because everything here is kind of smelly.
13) None of these people are giving anything away.
14) None of them are staring.
15) None of them are laughing.
16) It’s like they’re playing me.
17) They want me to be in this limbo of embarrassment.
18) Maybe if I look them all right in the eye I’ll be able to tell.
19) If they look away from me does that mean it was loud?
20) Or if they stare at me does that mean it was loud?
21) I mean it *felt* loud.
22) The frequency definitely felt audible.
23) And these jeans are pretty damn tight.
24) The taut jeans probably amplified the fart noise like a little drum.
25) Fuck everyone heard me fart.
26) I CAN SEE IT IN THEIR EYES.
27) But these things can be so deceiving.
28) I am going to be lying on my deathbed and I still will not know if all these strangers heard me fart.
29) Maybe it will be my final thought.
30) Maybe it will be one of those things you find out at the gates of heaven.
31) Like how many people secretly fancied you.
32) Or if you should have married William, just like your mother would have wanted.
33) Or what your cat *really* thought of you.
34) And how many of the farts you did with headphones on were loud.
35) Oh god that guy is really hot.
36) Like 100% total smokin’ babe.
37) That complete and utter hottie just heard me fart.
39) I am in purgatory.
40) I will forever be in fart purgatory.
41) Maybe if that piece of man candy hadn’t heard me fart he’d be giving me eyes.
42) Or maybe he would have never given me eyes.
43) Or maybe he’s gay.
44) Or maybe he is my future husband and I’ve ruined it by farting.
45) Or maybe the fart will bring us together.
46) I’ll bump into him in a bar and he’ll be like “Hey fart girl!”
47) And I’ll sexily laugh it off.
48) And then we will get married.
49) And have four babies.
50) How can one possibly loud fart lead to so many questions?
51) What if it was loud, but because it’s so loud in here nobody heard?
52) My fart is like that dead cat in that box.
53) I have done Schrödinger’s fart.
54) And the only way to metaphorically open the box is to ask someone if my fart was loud.
55) WHICH I WOULD NEVER DO.
56) Not in a million years.
57) I am happy not knowing.
58) I don’t need to know.
59) Ignorance truly is bliss.
60) Or is it?
61) FML I just farted again.