1. Trusting some family members more than others to hold the baby.
2. Taking “artsy” photos of your baby’s toes, fingers, ears.
You’re like, “Annie Leibovitz’s got nothing on these shots!”
3. Poking your baby to make sure they’re still breathing.
“Who woke the baby?”
“Not me! I think the baby is just, uh, a light sleeper. Yeah.”
4. Not feeling 100% confident when carrying the baby from room to room.
5. Breaking every social media rule you set before giving birth.
You want to post another baby photo so bad, and you hate yourself for it.
6. Thinking your baby has an amazing personality when really they’re just super gassy.
So many smiles.
7. Having an “I can’t do this!” emotional meltdown.
8. Using your baby as an excuse.
“Sorry I couldn’t text back, the baby was on me.” But actually you were just busy playing Candy Crush.
9. Taking a REALLY long shower/bath when you finally get the chance to take one.
Sorry, not sorry.
10. Thinking your baby is cuter than other babies.
11. Panicking when someone in public sneezes near your baby.
12. Fantasizing about all the stuff you will do with your baby… way, way in the future.
Yeah, it’ll be a blast to go shopping together, but first your baby needs to learn how to hold their own head up.
13. Having to suppress the urge to go off on people who ask you how much sleep you’re getting.
14. Already judging other parents.
“Did you see that? Her baby dropped the pacifier on the floor and she put it right back in his mouth!”
15. Talking about who your baby looks like when it’s way too early for them to look like anything but a baby.
“I think he looks just like Uncle Mort!”
“Oh, yeah! I see it… sort of.”
16. Really, really wishing the umbilical stump would fall off already.
17. Also, freaking the freak out over your baby’s soft spot.
“Please don’t let me squish my baby’s brain.”
18. Tuning out advice.
Yeah, thanks, but you’re the tenth person to tell me how to swaddle.
19. Being scared to death of cutting your baby’s nails.
20. Trying to act way more in control of the situation than you are at your baby’s first pediatrician visit.
21. And lastly, loving the heck out of your baby.